Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
