One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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