i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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