Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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