How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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