Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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