I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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