i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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