so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
They have beer where we have blood.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
