You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
