The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
