I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
