More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
