I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
