so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
