Nicole vs. Life
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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