ya dads aren't the best wingmen
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
