I'd wear matching sweaters with you
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
