It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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