I want to walk on stilts...naked
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
