to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
