i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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