you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm really busy with my period
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