I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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