You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He's on the porch naked. Help.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
