I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
