they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
