is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
