Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
God, I missed his penis.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
