things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
