...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
