You're my little dorito
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
