There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
