He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
