the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
