I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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