I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
