do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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