Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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