I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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