I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
