u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Randomize
