dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize