Buhtt sex?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
