this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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