I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
