1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
