It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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