our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
