I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize