You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
