I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
