You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
