I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
