So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
