Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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