I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
