I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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