Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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