Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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