Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
