sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
