Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize