Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
