I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
