Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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