I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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