Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
