I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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