idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize