In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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