Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I think I sprained my soul last night
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
