I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You can't just leave with hair like that
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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