Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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