I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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