Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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