They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
