he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
