Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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