Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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