Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize