Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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