Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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