First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
