what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize