sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
