This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
