My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize