A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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