Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
