Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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