GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
