I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
