walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My life is pants optional.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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