worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
